July 2000

Greetings, Reverend Otto Luck here. Welcome to today's sermon. Our topic: Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n' Roll. Is It the Work of God, the Devil, or Some Kind of Joint Venture?

In the beginning there was Elvis. And Elvis begot the Beatles. And the Beatles begot the Rolling Stones. And the Rolling Stones begot, well, you get the idea.

Allow me to pause for a quick nip of the sacramental wine while we turn to page 9,876,488,834 in the Good Book of Rock 'n' Roll.

We now continue with Creed, truly a holy venture, who erupted from the good earth to preach the gospel of rock in its finest form, much to the dismay of Fred Durst who sayeth very naughty things about the poor lads. We then touch upon Marilyn Manson, clearly one of Satan's most stunning accomplishments, who eats young lambs for breakfast and mysteriously makes toaster ovens malfunction all over America for his own fiendish pleasure. Finally, we conclude with Britney Spears, who is clearly not human but merely a corporate fabrication that makes us all feel as if we landed in Hell every time we see her belly button traversing one of her vast and colossal stages. Oh Lord, I know we're all sinners but why such penance. I wouldn't wish it upon the most vile infidel in all of Sodom and Gomorrah.

This formally ends my sermon. I would now like to proceed to that portion of today's service where I hawk this month's content on NY Rock.

Interviews:
- 3 Doors Down, an "insightful" look at the band
- L7 on masochism, suicide and other fun stuff about rock 'n' roll

Concert Reviews:
- Queens of the Stone Age and Isle of Q
- Bruce Springsteen (read for redemption)
- Nashville Pussy (Bassist Corey Parks becomes the first person to quit a band while featured on our cover)
- Local Girls Rock the Town (Part II!)

Movie Reviews:
- Nutty Professor II
- What Lies Beneath (nothing apparently)
- Perfect Storm

World Beat:
- Fred Durst's latest lame remarks

Newz:
- Matt Schroeder's V.P. selection

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Peace be with you,
Reverend Otto Luck