July 2002

Hey kids, we know a lot of you are thriving musicians so we thought we'd pass this latest "call for bands" along to you. Good luck!

Needed: Magic-bullet bands to generate cash flow for my loser bar. All bands must be able to pull in 75-100 cows on a Tuesday at 7:30 pm, and still be stupid enough to play for next to nothing. All sets are 25 minutes in duration so tell your friends to be prompt or they'll miss the whole damn thing. Sound man and light man provided. Both are heroin addicts and will be sleeping through your entire set. All genres of music accepted. Matter of fact, we don't even care if you play at all, just bring the cows. All band members receive a buck off seven-dollar bottles of Bud. Each band member allowed to put one person on guest list who will wind up getting charged anyway by doorman, who is also a heroin addict. Send press kits directly to me. I will then throw them in the garbage and tell you to come play at "open mic night" for free. Whoever brings the most cows wins and gets a gig on Tuesday. If you really pack the place, I'll give you a weekend slot because I'm too stupid to realize that's actually when I need you the least.

Also this month on NYRock.com...

• Giveaway: Tickets to Stomp!
  
• Interviews: Apex Theory, Henry Rollins, Tool
  
• Coming Soon: Interviews with Andrew WK, Oasis, Red Hot Chili Peppers. J.J. Cale in concert.

Be well,
Otto Luck